I didn't shave. On purpose
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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