Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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