before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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