i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
