So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
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