theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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