I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
there was a trapeze. enough said
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
