Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
barbara walters just said penis...
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
