i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Never underestimate the power of titties
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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