Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
