So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
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