I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
