I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Randomize
