i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
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I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
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Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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