I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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