It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
