there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Shame - the story of my life.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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