please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
