so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
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we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
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Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
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