Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
