I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize