you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
i drank out of a bidet.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
