so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
