They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
