Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
