I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize
