I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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