Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
