ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
