She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
