Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Randomize
