i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
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She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
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If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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