so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize