just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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