It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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