Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
