So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize