it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Randomize
