shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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