but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
