38 yer olds are good kisserssss
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
