i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
