just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
