My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
