I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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