whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
