I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize