____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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