He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
