i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
