While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Randomize
