I'll bet she douches with gravy.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
