at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
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She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
These tits shall not be calmed
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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