He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
