Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
