There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Randomize
