It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I love having hate sex.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
