Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
