she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Randomize
