I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
