look no pants
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
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