I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
