some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
