I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
