Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
