shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
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