I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize