I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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