just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
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