either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
